#also starring obi-wan's incredible patience with his life

[ashcroft-writes]

@trashfaun

AND IT'S STILL HILARIOUS TO ME A YEAR LATER TOO JFKSDJFDSKL

Thank you so much <3 You absolutely make my week, not just with your comic but knowing you're still all about this story while I write the next bit!!! Welcome back to the Tumblr, you fab artist you.

Kenobi going for that caf because he knows he’s the one needing to deal with this.

I’ve wanted to do this since I made my first lil fanart over a year ago for @ashcroft-writes, but life happened until now when, once again, reading Gunslinger’s Paean over and over again. So… have this old joke reference!

Now to just… try and take care of this backlog of sketches-

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding XXVII

Part I - - - - - - - - - - Part XXIV - - - - Part XXV - - - - Part XXVI

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

“Thank you for your patience; your call is very important to us. The Jedi Public Relations Help Line is currently experiencing high call volume; please continue to hold and—”

“AAAAAAHHHH”

- - -

Have you heard about—”

“Uuugh, not you too.”

“This is important Mrathan! It could mean the end of the war!”

“Or it could mean that the Jedi and all the clones are abandoning the Republic to join the separatists.”

“Don’t joke about that, it’s not funny!”

“Oh my gods relax, obviously—”

- - -

“No, I told you, I’ve got a friend who was standing next to a Jedi when it all went down. That Jedi negotiator, Omi-Won or whatever, died in a Separatist Attack, and his troops all deserted to get revenge—”

“That doesn’t make any sense. If it was a separatist attack why would they desert?”

“They’re clones. They’re loyal but they’re not exactly the sharpest hydrospanners in the tool crate!”

- - -

“I knew it! I knew it! Didn’t I tell you those Karking Wizards couldn’t be trusted? Didn’t I tell you Marja?”

“Yes, dear.”

- - -

“I swear. My cousin Av was bartending that night and there was a whole investigation afterwards and he said one of the clones must have drugged General Kenobi—”

“You can’t drug a Jedi, don’t be bantha-brained.”

“My cousin saw—”

“Well your cousin’s a fucking liar then. Or an idiot who mixed up some rando with an incredibly famous Jedi just because he was hanging out with a bunch of Guard Members.”

“Hey—”

- - -

“It’s tragic really—being forced to hunt down your own father like that, or well, Jedi equivalent to father—”

“Ha! No one can force Anakin Skywalker to do anything he doesn’t want to, that son of a blaster—”

- - -

“Yes, hello, I’m—no, wait, I’ve been on hold for three hours—I—hello? HELLO? Did you seriously disconnect me? This is why nobody trusts you guys!!”

- - -

“Mark my words, this whole thing is just another big flashy distraction from the real stories.”

“That’s what you said about the fucking zilla monster.”

“And I was right!”

- - -

“Obviously they’re covering it up, come on. No one wants to admit a High General was assassinated on Coruscant, not during this fiscal quarter anyway.”

- - -

“Well, I heard he killed himself to protest the war!”

“Jeoelin! Don’t say stuff like that!”

“What! The Jedi were against the war to begin with!”

“Come on, that’s a conspiracy theory.”

“No, really check out these interviews! They keep getting taken down but—”

- - -

“They’re traitors, the lot. Mark my words, those ‘suicide’ rumors are a deliberate coverup attempt for a military coop. Why else—”

“I don’t think the Jedi started those rumors. They just look kind of irritated when someone asks about them.”

“A cunning ruse!”

- - -

“Look, I’m just saying—”

“This is real life Taman, you can’t—”

“I’m just saying that if I was put in charge of hundreds of thousands of perfectly engineered human specimens—”

“Real person shipping is gross and you are NOT dragging me back into your nasty ass discourse!”

“and I also happened to have a magically heightened libido—”

“Are you—are you even listening to yourself? Not every piece of news about the Jedi is a coverup for something horny! You have got to stop going on those holonet harem conspiracy boards—”

“I’m just saying—”

- - -

“Maybe they’ve decided the republic’s just not worth it. I mean sure, they’ve got an evil robot overlord but have you SEEN the latest senate tax hike? Why are you booing? I’M RIGHT.”

- - -

“I am so confused—didn’t he already die?”

“Yeah, I also thought he died.”

“What? No, what are you two talking about?”

“Wasn’t that—there was that assassination on Mon Cal, right? And then a whole Separatist incursion—”

“Oh my force Quinn, that was the King of Mon Cal, not Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

“Wait that was this year? Hey, Patrick—was the invasion of Mon Cal this year or last year?”

“I think it was this year—hold on, did General Kenobi actually die or is that a conspiracy theory?”

"Y’all—”

- - -

“We’re fucked. We are completely fucked.”

“That is NOT General Skywalker.”

“It is! Look!”

“That holo is totally faked! The Hero With No Fear wouldn’t speeder run through Coruscant crying.”

“BUT WHAT IF HE DID SAARA?!? WHAT IF HE DID?!?”

“...Oh my gods, we’re fucked.”

- - -

Palpatine rubbed at the headache localized in his temples. Of all the many outcomes he had foreseen, Obi-Wan Kenobi having some kind of...unclear mental breakdown had simply not been one of them. 

Yes, he had manipulated events over the last decade so Kenobi would be forced to take on the most dangerous missions. Certainly, he had sent him to the most desperate fronts of the war. Sure, he had systemically overworked, undersupplied, and misinformed him at key junctures. But he had intended to kill the nuisance not—whatever the hells this was. And of course Skywalker, true to his cultivated over-attachment, had chased after him!

Why couldn’t Kenobi have simply fallen like a normal Jedi. Given into despair. That he could have worked with, easily!

He had, of course, briefly suspected this was some kind of ruse on Kenobi’s part, as Dooku clearly did. But Amidala’s grief and fear had not been faked—he could practically taste the memory of Skywalker’s distress through her. Their apartment was still lush with the horror, grief, and anger of his future apprentice’s weeping. From what the Jedi had reported, Obi-Wan may very well have attempted to end his own life in front of the boy. Palpatine seethed—so much potential, and still things were rapidly spiraling out of control.

At least his speech today would be pleasurable—already the darkside swirled as rumors of the Negotiator and the Hero with No Fear sparked dread. With any luck, putting Senator Amidala at the center of the upcoming media storm would double as both a strike against public confidence in the Jedi and bait for Skywalker’s return. Kenobi would make a passable martyr—one decent Jedi lost to a corrupt institution—if he could just find—

Sidious’s musings were interrupted by a specially programmed comm alert. Unknown source—but only one boy was ever given this number. Palpatine carefully pulled a concerned facade over his victorious sneer.

“Hello?” he asked with calculatingly puzzled caution.

“Chancellor Palpatine! It’s Anakin! I’m so glad you were able to pick up the comm!” came the overdue and distinctly awkward greeting.

“Anakin, my boy!” The Chancellor cried. “I can’t tell you what a relief it is to hear from you—are you alright? The council’s been saying the most dreadful things about you and Master Kenobi!”

There was a long pause.

“The council...doesn’t know I’m calling, Chancellor,” Anakin said, clearly stressed. “This. This is a secret call.”

“The Jedi told me they didn’t know where you were!” Palpatine responded, gently digging for answers besides the inanely obvious.

“Uh. They don’t. Well they didn’t. Obi-Wan called them just now, so they know generally where we are, but uh.” There was a brief pause. “The council seemed really upset, to be honest. I mean they were upset before before but uh...sorry...” Skywalker sounded deeply pained, and Palpatine’s lips curled up even as his brow furrowed.

“Do you mean that you and Obi-Wan are acting against the council now?” the Sith pressed.

“No, Chancellor. I mean—yes! That is—I mean—I really want to tell you everything but right now Obi-Wan and I really need some help—but Obi-Wan doesn’t trust you—I mean he doesn’t trust a lot of people but—this call is secret from Obi-Wan. And the Council. I’m in a broom closet.” Palpatine could practically taste Anakin’s discomfort, even without a visual.

“I’m honored you trust me enough to bring me into your confidence,” Palpatine said soothingly. “Whatever it is I can do to help, you need only ask.”

“Are you sure? Thank you but I don’t—I mean things are mostly fine it’s just. Um. I don’t want to be a bother.”

“Now Anakin, I’ve told you before I’m not a Jedi—I’m not going to attack you for wanting to improve things." Palpatine leaned backwards as the conversation reentered familiar territory.

There was a brief pause before the Jedi Knight unleashed a sudden torrent of words. 

“We attacked Krell and stole the 212th and 501st and are on our way to defeat Dooku. It was Obi-Wan’s idea but I helped. It’s technically treason but it could end the war sooner. Obi-Wan’s a little insane. Can you please keep the Jedi High Council from telling the public that Obi-Wan is crazy? Or dangerous? Just until we kill Dooku and fix everything and get Obi-Wan some help? I need some time to figure out how to protect him—the council wants to throw him under the media speeder-van but please, sir, I can’t let that happen. I would owe you greatly.”

Palpatine closed his eyes for a moment as he processed. When he opened them again (not that anyone was around to see) they were burning yellow.

“Of course, my boy,” Darth Sidious crooned. 

“They did want to hold a press release today warning everyone that dear Obi-Wan might be a public threat—but I’m certain I can hold off. I’m confident the two of you are more than a match for Dooku regardless of Obi-Wan’s...mental state. Once you return to Coruscant I assure you, I’ll make sure your Master has access to the finest mental institutions. I’m so sorry he’s putting you through all this grief, after years of telling you to hide your own struggles. Don’t worry about the Jedi.”

“...Thank you, Chancellor Palpatine. I owe you for this.”

“Nonsense, however I can help! Just make sure to stay safe—poor Senator Amidala’s been besides herself with concern over your sudden disappearance.”

A small reminder not to do anything too foolish, I still need him to want to live...a touch more maiming wouldn’t go amiss though. If Dooku manages to kill Kenobi, if Obi-Wan attacks Anakin—Skywalker’s fall is guaranteed. Worst case, Dooku’s removed a tad early and Obi-Wan ‘tragically’ succumbs to his own diseased mind in a mental ward.

I really couldn’t have to planned it better—I’ll have to make Kenobi’s funeral a lavish affair, as thanks.

“Can you tell Padme I’m alright, please?” Anakin pleaded softly. “I have to destroy this comm once the call ends.”

“It would be my honor,” Palpatine replied seriously.

“Thank you, Chancellor—I’ve got to go now,” Anakin said, reluctant.

“Stay safe, son.”

“Thank you, Chancellor.”

The call ended.

Palpatine took a moment to revel before summoning a soon to be deeply grateful Senator for a sudden change of plans.

Anakin scrubbed his face, groaning.

“You did well, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said earnestly. “Excellent job.”

He took the comm gently from his former padawan’s hand, placing it on the ground and frying it with a prepared EMP before clenching a fist to grind it to dust.

“I don’t know,” Ahsoka teased. “The constant ‘please’ and ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you, Chancellor’ was a bit over the top.”

Anakin frowned. “What are you talking about?” he asked.

Ahsoka and Obi-Wan exchanged wary looks; Anakin’s frown deepened. “I was being polite,” he said defensively. “He’s the Chancellor of the Republic and I just lied to him.”

“He just—he just lied to you,” his padawan retorted, gesturing emphatically as her Grandmaster looked down. “He said that the Jedi wanted to hold a press conference ‘warning the public’ about Obi-Wan’s ‘mental state,’ and you know that’s not true.”

Anakin’s mouth open and shut a few times. “Yeah—well—it wouldn’t exactly be the wrong thing to do, right? I mean if Obi-Wan really had kidnapped a whole battalion after having a mental breakdown? If he was a public threat? Really the Jedi should have suggested it.”

“Maybe,” Ahsoka replied, shifting in her seat. “But they didn’t, they just presented the info to Chancellor Palpatine as a distraction, right? And then he lied to you about it, because he knew you would take Obi-Wan’s side."

“Maybe the Council decided to go further,” Anakin hedged.

“Anakin you were at the planning meeting,” Obi-Wan said quietly. “You saw the dossier about myself we prepared—it only made me out to be a threat to Dooku, and to the Chancellor. You were the one who told him we kidnapped the 212th, and he was the one who introduced the idea of a ‘public threat.’”

Anakin fidgeted. “He must have his reasons for messing with the truth,” he muttered, flicking a shattered piece of the comm unit away. “Maybe—maybe he thought it would be better for me to hear.”

Obi-Wan pressed his hands to his eyes. “Anakin—” he said, before cutting himself off. He inhaled sharply, then exhaled slowly and shakily. “Anakin. He said, and I quote, ‘I’m not a Jedi—I’m not going to attack you for wanting to improve things.’ Why do you think he said that?”

The younger man pulled his knees up to his chin in response. “He was trying to comfort me,” he said, chest feeling tight.

“Why would implying that the Jedi—your friends and family, who care about you—would attack you for ‘wanting to improve things’ be a comfort? Couldn’t he just have said ‘you’re not a bother’?” Ahsoka pressed.

“He doesn’t—” Anakin looked away. “He’s had some issues with how the Order treats me before. Times the council punished me too harshly. Unimportant things from when I was a padawan. Because he cares.”

“Has he encouraged you to talk about this with the Council, or with Obi-wan?” she continued, frustration starting to edge out sympathy, hands open wide. “Or did he just tell you that ‘the Jedi’ would never understand, but he would?”

“It’s not like that!” Anakin snapped.

“Also what was that dig at Obi-Wan?”

“What are you talking about? He said he would help him get the best healers!”

“Yeah, but he also blamed him for ‘putting you through this grief’ which is a super shady way of trying to get you to be mad at him for being suicidal!”

“You’re just looking for stuff to criticize!”

“No, that call was just creepy. And bringing up ‘years of telling you to hide your own struggles’ sort of sounded like you told him that Obi-Wan was a bad Master!” she accused.

“No! Never! Master Kenobi and Chancellor Palpatine have always cared about me and always sort-of talked about each other like that—they just don’t get each other—and the Chancellor doesn’t know that Obi-Wan and I had a big discussion about our issues—”

Obi-Wan took a shuddering breath and Anakin immediately panicked.

“Wait, no, Master, I’m sorry—” he said desperately as Ahsoka’s eyes widened in dismay. “Please don’t cry—”

“I let this happen,” he whispered, eyes glistening. “I let him manipulate my own brother—”

“I’m not manipulated!”

Obi-Wan barked out a hoarse laugh, then another, this time edging on a sob. His shoulders began to shake. Anakin watched in horror as the shine in Obi-Wan’s eye’s began to overflow in the corners.

“Okay I’m manipulated! I’m manipulated!” Anakin said frantically. “Palpatine’s a Sith lord, you’re right, I’m wrong, I’m sorry for doubting you!”

“Oh Force,” Ahsoka said in a hush. “I should have seen it—I always thought he was a little creepy, but he never said anything in front of me, and I didn’t want to speak out of turn, but I should have.”

“No, padawan, this was my fault,” Obi-Wan said hoarsely. “I was the adult, Anakin was just a child—”

“Don’t say it like that,” Anakin snapped. “I’m a Knight, I’m perfectly capable of taking responsibility for my own—for my own mistakes.”

Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both launched themselves at him, Ahsoka hugging him around his waist while Obi-Wan threw his arms around his arms and shoulders.

“He’s an asshole,” Ahsoka said fiercely. “He’s responsible for everything, not me, not Obi-Wan, and not you—he’s an evil bastard and he’s trying to tear us apart but he’s not going to succeed.”

Anakin winced, looking to the side. “Look, I’m—I’m sorry—ow!—don’t bite me! I’m trying to apologize—ow!”

“No more apologies!” she said angrily. “Blame Palpatine!”

Obi-Wan let out a watery laugh. “Oh, Ahsoka,” he said fondly. “What ever did we do without you?”

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence as they all processed that. Anakin pulled his arms free to encircle them both, holding on tightly.

“I’m not gonna let anything pull us apart,” Anakin muttered. “It doesn’t matter who the Sith lord is, it doesn’t matter what Palpatine says or doesn’t say, Nothing’s going to tear us apart, okay? Nothing.”

Obi-Wan pressed his head into Anakin’s shoulder and found himself, not for the first time in recent memory, praying that the force would let it all be true.

[parvulous-writings]

SFW alphabet// Obi-Wan Kenobi x reader

Request: There isn’t one- this is pure self indulgence. 

Submitted by:​ MEEEE

Genre/fandom: Fluff/Star Wars

Warnings:  None.

Summary: SFW alphabet for Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Not my gif

A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Obi-Wan is pretty damn affectionate- when you both are alone. In public, it is often a different story. That’s not to say he doesn’t sweet talk you quietly when you’re out and about, but he rarely holds your hand when in places that the Jedi Order could see you. When you are alone though, either in his quarters, your Coruscant apartment or elsewhere out of sight, he is one of the most affectionate people you’ve ever met, giving you so many hugs and kisses it’s hard to count. One of his favourite things to do, during slower days, he’ll sit in his favourite chair whilst he reads, letting you sit in a nearby chair, your hands linking you both together.  B - Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?)

Quite simply, Obi-Wan is one of the nicest and fairest beings in the galaxy, and the very best friend should you put the effort in to get to know him- though, even if you don’t, he’s still extraordinarily kind hearted, and ever the gentleman.  The friendship would probably start when he’s assigned to protect you- and of course he politely introduces himself, and you’re drawn to his friendly and calming presence. 

C - Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He ADORES cuddles. All of them. In bed, in comfy chairs, standing up- anywhere, anyhow, so long as you aren’t discovered. Given half the chance, he would cuddle you to the end of time. He’s a big one for physical affection. A lot of his favourite moments with you are spent curled up together, talking about both everything and nothing, basking in each others company.  D - Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking, cleaning, ect?) Obi-Wan would love to settle down- and he was incredibly ready to leave the Jedi Order for you, but you told him to stay, at least for Anakin’s sake.  He is a marvelous cook- and you can’t convince me otherwise. You don’t go out for secret date nights, oh no, Obi-Wan cooks you a delicious home-made meal.  He’s also quite clean, doing all the chores around his quarters almost every day or when he gets the chance between training sessions, meetings and the missions.  E - Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) If he had to, he would try and let you down slowly. He would try not to make a show of it and explain calmly to you why he think it would be best for you to go your separate ways. It would break him inside, but he’d keep his composure until he was alone.   F - Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? Do they wanna get married?) He would like very much to get married to you 😊 you are his one and only living love, after all. He’d leave the Order for you, if you let him. Enough said, really. G - Gentle (How gentle are they both physically and emotionally?) Very gentle physically, very very gentle indeed. His touches are always so soft, as if he’s nervous that you’re only a dream, and if he’s too rough with you, you’ll suddenly poof out of existence. It’s quite sweet, actually.  H - Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it, and what are they like?) Like with cuddles, Obi is a pretty big hugger. His hugs are warm, and full of all the love he holds for you. You almost always catch his scent- the faint smell of spices, and it always calms you down, it’s soothing. His hands often find the small of your back and the back of your head, supporting you as well as keeping you close to him. I - I Love You (How fast do they say the “love” word?) Not particularly quickly- he tries to suppress his feelings at first, and it takes many weeks of being around you for him to even admit to himself that he liked you, not to mention how long it took for him to muster up the courage to admit his feelings for you.  Even after he admits his love for you, he usually only says the L word when he thinks it’s a special occasion- though he makes sure that you know he loves you in other ways.

J - Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What are they like when jealous?)

Obi-Wan doesn’t often get jealous- he understands the need for close friendships outside of your relationship. But there have been one or two instances where his emotions have gotten the better of him. When he’s jealous, he can get rather possessive. He doesn’t mean to- he truly doesn’t- but he’ll put his arm around your waist, pull you close to his side, whilst giving a very dark glare to send them a message. (He’ll try not to do this in front of Jedi, and has so far succeeded in that regard.)  K - Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) Obi-Wan’s kisses are often quite light and brief- as most of them are given in public. Kisses in private are much deeper, much more passionate, much longer. His favourite place to kiss you is the very tip of your nose, he doesn’t know why really, he just thinks it’s a very endearing place to kiss you. His favourite place to be kissed is just under his jaw, your lips just seem to press against his skin so nicely there.  L - Little Ones (How are they around kids?) Oh, Obi-Wan is a dream around children! He is a wonderful mentor to the younglings in the temple- a brilliant father figure for those who see him as such. Absolute father/husband material, I tell you.  M - Morning (What are mornings like with them?) They are sometimes few and far between, but... Imagine the most idyllic scene you can think of. Sunlight streaming through the window and lightly hitting your face, as the wonderful smell of breakfast hits your nose, rousing you from your slumber. There he stands, in his nightclothes with his back to you, as he cooks you a glorious breakfast. He turns to smile at you as you get up, moving over to quickly give you a morning kiss on the cheek.  That is a morning with Obi-Wan. N - Nights (How are nights spent with them?) Just as heavenly as the mornings. They’re quiet, more often than not, but they’re still wonderful. Though just as rare as the mornings, if not rarer, you both spend the first part of the evening watching the sun set, before dining together, and finally ending up in each others arms, talking nonsense till you both find  slumber.  O - Open (When do they open up about themselves?) Usually late at night, a month or so into your relationship. It’s not about what most people would consider ‘secrets’, but to Obi-Wan these things are incredibly personal. He talks to you about the bond he had with his master, and how he felt when he lost him, he talks about how proud he is of Anakin, all of it. It takes a few weeks and countless late nights, but you’re both all the closer to one another for it.  P - Patience (How easily angered are they?) Man’s a Jedi. The King of patience. He doesn’t often get angry.  When he does, though... Yikes. He loses it. Thankfully his rage is almost never directed towards you. 

Q - Quizzes (How much do they remember about you?) He remembers everything you tell him, down to the last detail. You mention something as a throwaway comment? I guarantee you he’ll be doing or purchasing something  to do with that little throwaway line. Every detail goes into his head and never leaves.  R - Remember (Favorite memory with you?) A time he found you entertaining the younglings whilst waiting for you. You seemed so happy, your eyes sparkling and full of life, glinting as you laughed. He leant against the wall, just watching you as you played with them, letting them embrace their childhood for a little bit longer. It is something he’ll often play it over and over again in his head when he’s watching you sleep. 

S - Security (How protective are they?) Obi-Wan knows you have to fight your own battles, and he does try his best to let you do that, offering guidance if you need it. However, when he knows you’re out of your depth- whatever that may be- he will step in and defend you in whatever way he needs to.  T - Try (How much effort do they put in?) He puts in so much effort for you, trying to prove himself to you even though you constantly remind him he doesn’t need to. He also finds it his constant quest to make it up to you for not spending more time with you when in the Order. You tell him not to do that too, but he never seems to listen.  U - Ugly (What are their bad habits?) Apologising too much. For not spending enough time with you, for being late when he isn’t.. Little things. Little, pesky things. It started off sweet at first, but quickly you found it to be a little bit of a problem.  V - Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Not really that concerned. He keeps himself clean of course, he has more than enough decency for that, but he’s not really that fussed. He’ll pay more attention to small things- like the style of his hair or how he wears his robe- if he wants to impress you, but he’s not exactly vain. W - Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) Oh he would definitely feel incomplete without you. He misses you deeply when on missions- and even goes as far to use his holocom to contact you when far off and he can’t bear not hearing your voice anymore.  X - Xtra (Random HC) Obi-Wan is an absolutely divine cook. You want a meal that the canteens or cafeteria don’t do a good job on? Say no more, he shall provide for you. He’d cook practically anything for you, just to see you smile.  Y - Yuck (Things they don’t like either in general or a partner?) Obi-Wan isn’t particularly fussy when it comes to partners, however there is one thing that almost always has to be there. Manners. Otherwise, you may just have a few ettiquete lessons from Master Kenobi. Z - Zzz (Sleep habits)

Obi-Wan is usually a sound sleeper, and has a regular sleeping pattern. This pattern is only slightly taken off track when you sleep in the same bed as him, and he’ll spend at least half an hour running his hands through your hair as you sleep, admiring the blissful smile that crosses your lips. 

[sopherfly]

August Fic Update & Snippet

-peeks out from around the corner- I'm so sorry, friends, real life can be so rude, and there have been other things and people that I needed to prioritize over getting the last chapter of The Shadow Of A Dream done.

HOWEVER. We are making progress. We're at... 14.6k words, so it's going to be a mammoth of a chapter.

There is also ANOTHER OBIKIN FIC IN THE WORKS and it will be incredible and amazing, and hopefully that'll start up in mid-September. 😁

So, to thank you for your incredible patience, have some more 🌶️🔥spicy 🔥🌶️ content while I get back to work.

~

Through the openness in their bond, Anakin saw the instant when Obi-Wan’s grief burned out, igniting like dry brush, transforming inside the flames into sharp, desperate desire. Anakin pulled away with a gasp, surprised at how easily Obi-Wan’s arousal became his own. Breathing heavily into the space between them, Anakin traced his thumb over Obi-Wan’s lower lip, skimming slowly over the skin the same way he had after their first time, and just before their second. It reminded him of all the ways he wanted Obi-Wan; it brought to the front of his mind every desire, every fantasy that he hadn’t dared hope to fulfill, not when their future had been so uncertain.

He allowed himself to hope now, the feeling filling him with longing, and he increased the pressure of his thumb just a little, watching as something bright flared to life in Obi-Wan’s eyes.

“Stop that,” Obi-Wan warned. Their bond was blazing with arousal now, and Anakin felt need coiling hot and tight through his gut, his blood abandoning his brain entirely as he held Obi-Wan’s gaze.

“Or what?” he breathed, the smallest spark of playfulness cutting through the sudden heat between them. He repeated the motion, more deliberately this time, and Obi-Wan exhaled on a shudder.

“Anakin. You’re still recovering.”

“I know,” Anakin whispered. Some part of him knew Obi-Wan was right: this probably wasn’t wise. And yet, Anakin had nothing more to do but heal. What further harm could they cause, as long as they stayed clear of his injuries? How bad could it truly be if his body felt so ready for it?

“We can be careful,” Anakin said, desperation already apparent in his voice. Kriff, how had he gone so quickly from calm to aching? “Just—Obi-Wan, I—I need it. I need you. Please.”

Obi-Wan groaned. “Force, Anakin. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to say no to you?”

“So don’t say no.” He held his breath as he waited for Obi-Wan’s response, searching Obi-Wan’s face, transfixed by the torrent of emotion glittering behind grey eyes. It only took a moment before Obi-Wan gave in, seeking Anakin’s lips and drawing him into a kiss that made his nerves sing.

“If we’re going to do this,” Obi-Wan said as he pulled away, “I need you not to move unless I tell you. Do you understand?” Anakin nodded, the motion fast and eager, and he barely managed to keep his hips from arching up. “If you move, I’ll stop. And if something hurts and you don’t tell me—”

“I’ll tell you,” Anakin interrupted, low and raspy. “I promise.”

“Good.” Obi-Wan brushed the tip of his nose past the corner of Anakin’s mouth, skimming up until their lips were nearly touching, but not quite. Anakin whimpered, willpower alone holding him still, and then Obi-Wan leaned in to whisper in his ear, “Roll onto your back for me.”

A hand on Anakin’s collarbone encouraged him, and he did as he was told, shifting onto his back, then biting his lip when Obi-Wan knelt between his spread legs, hands coming to rest on Anakin’s thighs. Anakin could already see what he was planning, and kriff, he wanted it, wanted Obi-Wan’s hot mouth around his cock, sucking him down, but—

“Wait,” he said, stopping Obi-Wan before he could go further. “Don’t—I have another idea.” He sent the image across their bond, and Obi-Wan groaned again, one hand slipping down to clench in the sheets.

“Anakin…”

“Please,” Anakin begged. “I want you on top of me.”

Anakin saw the words nearly overpower Obi-Wan, his jaw dropping open as his pupils blew wide, and there was something almost dangerous in the way arousal rolled through their bond like an earthquake, powerful enough to destroy the very ground they stood upon. Obi-Wan swallowed, shaking his head once, his grip tightening on Anakin’s thigh as he growled, “You are a menace.”

It wasn’t no, and anticipation thundered through Anakin, their bond rumbling with aftershocks of desire as Obi-Wan leaned down to kiss him breathless, then used the force to summon a tube of bacta and a towel from the other side of the room. The bacta Anakin understood immediately; the towel took his distracted mind longer to figure out, but as Obi-Wan draped it over his chest, covering his tunic to protect both the garment and the bandages underneath, Anakin finally made the connection. Any kind of mess would necessitate a change of those bandages, along with an explanation as to why. Better to avoid that problem altogether.

Anakin smiled a little, impressed by Obi-Wan’s presence of mind. Desire was making his own thoughts fuzzy around the edges; every part of him ached with need, and he wanted so badly to move, to reach out and caress Obi-Wan’s face, then tangle his fingers into Obi-Wan’s hair. By some miracle he managed to follow Obi-Wan’s instructions, watching with heavy-lidded eyes as Obi-Wan removed obi and tabards and tunics, but the compulsion to touch only grew stronger as Obi-Wan slid his trousers down just far enough to free his cock from its confines.

Kriff. Obi-Wan’s cock was beautiful, and Anakin came far too close to sitting up in one fluid motion to take it into his hands. He felt himself tremble with the effort of keeping still, his muscles tensing, his open palms pressing into the sheets where they rested by his sides. “Obi-Wan. Please, I…”

“I know, darling.” Obi-Wan’s fingers slipped under the waistband of Anakin’s trousers, sliding the thin fabric down below Anakin’s knees, and Anakin whimpered as his own cock sprang free to stand at attention, hard and leaking against his stomach. One of Obi-Wan’s hands closed around his shaft, stroking slowly upward, and Anakin couldn’t control the desperate sound pulled from his throat as Obi-Wan’s grip tightened just a fraction.

“Nngh—kriff.” The almost-silent curse didn’t make staying still any easier, and Anakin swallowed hard, whining a little when Obi-Wan released him to gather some of the bacta into his palm. He slicked himself up first, then took hold of Anakin again, his gaze growing sharp when Anakin couldn’t contain a little jerk of his hips.

“Anakin.” Obi-Wan stopped, releasing him, and Anakin whined again at the loss of sensation, the loss of contact. He needed Obi-Wan to be touching him everywhere all at once; he needed Obi-Wan draped over him, surrounding him, coaxing little cries from his lips.

“I know,” Anakin replied breathlessly, “I know.” He willed himself to relax, releasing the tension in his shoulders and hips, showing Obi-Wan through their bond just how pliant he planned to be. “I’m sorry. Please—I won’t move again, I promise.”

You keep showing me things like that and I won’t be able to control myself, Obi-Wan warned, breathing deeply before finally shifting forward. He braced one hand on the bed to the right of Anakin’s chest, his body hovering over Anakin’s, then lowered his hips, reaching down to take them both in hand and stroke their cocks together.

Pleasure shot through Anakin, hurtling across their bond like a comet careening through space, so bright and hot and overwhelming that both of them cried out in the same instant. Need and relief made every sensation sharper, and Anakin hissed through clenched teeth, desperate to arch his hips up and knowing that he couldn’t, not if he wanted Obi-Wan to keep going. And he did. Kriff, he needed it—he needed the warm slide of Obi-Wan’s hand and the feeling of Obi-Wan’s cock held tight against his own.

Part of him wanted to reply to what Obi-Wan had said, to tell him that he didn’t have to control himself, that Anakin didn’t want him to, but the thoughts got lost somehow, burned up by the fire that raged in their bond and the warmth of their mingled breaths. When the urge to hold onto Obi-Wan became too great, Anakin met Obi-Wan’s eyes, his question soft and needy as he whispered it into Obi-Wan’s mind. Master, please. Can—can I—?

Their bond lit up with the image of him clinging to Obi-Wan’s shoulders, hanging onto Obi-Wan’s hair, and the punched-out breath that drew from Obi-Wan was beautiful enough that Anakin committed it to memory, determined never to forget that look on Obi-Wan’s face. “Yes, Anakin.”

Anakin mewled his relief, not entirely blind to the way that the short, high-pitched sound made Obi-Wan weak with want. One hand came to rest on Obi-Wan’s shoulder, the other reaching up to fist gently into his hair, and Obi-Wan moaned, his pace increasing just enough that it was both perfect and maddening.

“Hh-aah,” Anakin gasped, incapable of stopping himself from tilting his head back. “Kriff.”

“Alright?” Obi-Wan asked softly.

“Yes,” he managed, more shaky than he’d intended. Force, he would never understand how Obi-Wan always put Anakin’s comfort and pleasure before his own. Anakin hardly deserved it, and yet, when the thought crossed his mind, Obi-Wan banished it utterly, driving it out with a bruising kiss that made Anakin see stars.

That kiss, paired with the steady movement of Obi-Wan’s hand, brought Anakin far closer to the edge than he’d expected, and he clung tighter, durasteel digging into Obi-Wan’s shoulder, flesh fingers tugging at the roots of Obi-Wan’s hair until Obi-Wan pulled back. “Anakin—you deserve so much more than I’ll ever be able to give you.”

Obi-Wan was wrong, so kriffing wrong that Anakin couldn’t begin to explain, but suddenly Obi-Wan quickened his pace, and Anakin keened, the sound high and sharp as his hips lifted off the bed against his will.

“Fuck,” he gasped, and Obi-Wan had promised to stop if Anakin moved without permission, but this time he didn’t, and Anakin flashed a brief grin at Obi-Wan breaking his own rules, releasing his hold on Obi-Wan’s hair just enough to trace his fingers through it. Obi-Wan’s eyes, impossibly dark, caught on Anakin’s lips, and he looked entirely too affected by something so simple as a smile. Force, Obi-Wan’s love was enough to shatter Anakin apart.

“Master,” Anakin said in warning. This was going to be over embarrassingly soon, but he couldn’t help it; his body was wrung and his nerves were shot, and Obi-Wan was on top of him, staring at him, hanging on his every expression. The twist of Obi-Wan’s wrist was just right, and he must’ve known exactly how close that would get Anakin, must’ve been pushing them both to the edge this quickly on purpose.

“Obi-Wan.” Anakin screwed his eyes shut, just for a moment, but it did little to hold off the cresting wave of his pleasure. “Kriff, I’m sorry, I’m—I’m already close, I—”

He had no idea whether he was asking Obi-Wan to speed up or slow down; he didn’t want this to end, not when it felt so good, not when it was exactly the kind of closeness he needed after almost losing Obi-Wan, but kriff. Even if Obi-Wan backed off completely, he wasn’t sure that he would last. He was already teetering, so close to the precipice that the smallest push would send him tumbling over.

[primasveraas-writing]

Star Wars Preference- Royal!Reader

Request: “All Star Wars trios & Ahsoka + falling in love with royal!reader preferences? Love your writing!”

Thank you and thanks for requesting!

All requests are open!

XXX

Anakin:

He can’t help it; Anakin falls apart before you. He’s not dignified or composed, but his callousness and humor are still a relief from your royal duties. Anakin can make you laugh and take your mind off of the burdens in your life. While he’s intimidated by your position at first, as your walls start to come down, he sees the pieces of normalcy in your life and makes an effort to bring more calm into your daily life. The loyalty you have to your people resonates in Anakin, who is so driven by his heart and dedication to others. He falls for you first, and to you, he’s irresistible. Before you realize what’s happened, you’ve fallen in love too.

Obi-wan:

Armed with endless wit and appropriately dry humor, Obi-wan is well equipped to handle all the inescapable politics that accompany you. His clear perception of the universe appeals to you; you are both realistic, pragmatic, and diplomatic. Your mutual understanding of the galaxy brings you together, and from there, your witticisms and discussions of politics deepen your relationship. He falls in love with your grace and power; he is a true advisor and confidant, who can either play the devil’s advocate or console you when you get frustrated. Obi-wan makes you feel like you can take on the whole of the galaxy, and it’s this confidence in you that surrenders your heart to him.

Padmé:

When Padmé was queen, one elected at such a young age, she desperately looked to other leaders for example and guidance. Now, she finds you, and you’re dignified and graceful, and she’s head over heels before she knows it. At first, you bond over your experiences as monarchs, then you come to truly appreciate her for all the companionship she offers. With Padmé, you never feel alone, because at last someone understands you and the complications of the life you lead. It’s a short matter of time before you fall in love with her too.

Luke:

Luke, who is so sweet and good, epitomizes all that you wish to see in the galaxy. He truly has a heart of gold, and this gives you hope as you navigate the responsibilities of royal life. Nothing is more rewarding than his gentle encouragement and his faith in you, and you spend each moment away from him looking forward to his comfort and companionship. You realize that he’s your escape from the pressures of your life, and this means only one thing: you’re in love. Your inspiring leadership and poise as a ruler lead Luke to the same conclusion about you; there’s nothing more that he wants than to make you smile and bring you joy each and every day.

Leia:

Although she would never readily admit it, Leia is impressed by the life you lead and the dignity with which you comport yourself. Uniquely poised to understand you, but nonetheless ready to be critical of your leadership, it takes some time before Leia begins to appreciate you; first, you must prove yourself capable of the titles you hold. However, once you do so, she softens rapidly, confiding in you and bonding over your experiences and duties. You tease each other with your royal titles, as she will always be a princess too, and it’s this bond that evolves into mutual adoration and ardor.

Han:

Ever nonchalant and unimpressed, Han is unfazed by your royal position. He greets you with sarcasm, which you appreciate only because it’s certainly a deviation from the rigidity of royal protocol. However, you can keep up with his wit and humor, and Han realizes how much he truly admires you. Once feelings start to emerge, he is intimidated by your position- he’s a smuggler and a scoundrel, and you’re firmly in the upper echelons of society. Nonetheless, you have fallen for him too, and you convince him, through many methods of cajoling and begging, that you belong together, that you love him and all other details don’t matter. And because Han wants nothing more than to be with you, he gives in to your persuasion and the love between you.

Rey:

Rey approaches you with tempered curiosity and respect. She’s unsure of where she stands with you, wholly unfamiliar in dealing with royalty, even after knowing Leia and becoming a hero of all the galaxy. Still, her lack of knowledge and genuine desire to learn more about you and what you do melts your heart, and you find yourself wanting to show her all the intricacies of your life and duty. In addition, although Rey certainly doesn’t need lavishness to be comfortable, you spoil her on occasion to expose her to luxuries that she wasn’t afforded when growing up on Jakku. It’s this tenderness, this exploration that causes you both to fall in love. You’re so different, yet your humanity is the same, and that is more than enough for feelings to arise.

Finn: 

Finn, of all people, knows that respect must be earned, not adorned with a crown. So he is initially skeptical of your position, which requires patience on your part, but you don’t regret this due to your understanding of his life. Instead, you prove your kindness to him, showing how your power allows you to help rather than hurt those beneath you. Finn softens after you acknowledge that being royalty is a privilege, not a right, and he makes you a stronger leader in challenging you to fairly and wholly represent your people. You realize that his presence encourages you to grow, and this is a hallmark of love. He appreciates your leadership and actions as a royal; you have widened his view and that marks his own adoration of you.

Poe:

After a lifetime of fighting, Poe also understands that integrity is the main precursor to respect. He is not actively critical, but waits for you to establish yourself as a fair and just leader. Once he’s sure that you are worthy of your titles, he charms you with his positivity and flirtatiousness. His presence is a relief, a breath of fresh air after years of royal duties and stagnant politics. He can make you laugh, and he, in turn, is captivated by your poise and dignity. As a royal, your life is fixated on ideals and hopes to improve the galaxy, which also defines him as a leader in the Resistance. You share your burdens and dreams with each other, and together, you fall in love with each others’ determination, passion, and strive for change.

+Ahsoka:

Taught by the Jedi that a royal title does not enforce superiority, Ahsoka treats you with respect but not blind adoration. This pragmatic approach stands out to you, so you attempt to earn her friendship by demonstrating who you really are as a person. Ahsoka likes you instantly and finds that she can confide her ideas and opinions on the workings of the galaxy with you. You take her seriously, which she values deeply, and her experiences as a Jedi broaden your perceptions of the universe. The two of you exchange stories from your lives, and as you listen to her talk, you realize that you could spend forever hearing her voice and all that she has to say. She also falls for you, knowing that being with you is an incredible opportunity and adventure she would love to partake in.

[gffa]

Hi!  Of course it’s all right, I’m always delighted to get even half a chance to talk about this stuff that I love so much!I will say, of course, there are few true concrete answers to any of this, even if word of god commentary lays out a direct answer, because several of the creators have spoken about how it’s important to maintain the sense of speculation and theorizing, as that was one of the things that was such a joy to them before they started making SW, too.  As well as, you know, just the basic fact that everyone’s going to interpret things differently and that doesn’t make one more inherently valuable than another, as well as word of god commentary and, hell, even canon is only as meaningful to you as a fan as you want it to be!That said, I like the case I make for the things I’m passionate about, so I’ll make my case again because I enjoy doing it! We‘re always told that the Dark Side is evil and Light is good. But if you divide it like that, what does true balance mean? Fundamentally, light is good and dark is evil, that’s absolutely true, but the thing is that it’s never meant to be about a purity thing, but instead being about what you embrace as a worldview.  Each one of us has both good and bad in us, the way you keep balance isn’t by exorcising the bad and then you’re good forever, but to every day keep making the choice to embrace the good. George Lucas explains the Force in, at its most basic terms, that the light is selfless (love, compassion, caring) and the dark is selfishness (greed, anger, hate, suffering).  The only way to rise above the dark side is to discipline yourself against it.  (George Lucas Explains The Force in a The Clone Wars writers meeting + transcription here) On the dark side specifically, how the Force works: “Once you become afraid that somebody’s going to take it away from you or you’re gonna lose it, then you start to become angry, especially if you’re losing it, and that anger leads to hate, and hate leads to suffering. Mostly on the part of the person who’s selfish, because you spend all your time being afraid of losing everything you’ve got instead of actually living.” How Yoda explains how the dark side/the Force works in The Phantom Menace:“ Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.“ These are literally the same exact explanation, which shows us that, yes, Yoda and the Jedi are absolutely correct about how the dark side of the Force works! Another example: “In the end, it’s about fundamentally becoming selfless moreso than selfish.  It seems so simple, but it’s so hard to do.  And when you’re tempted by the dark side, you don’t overcome it once in life and then you’re good.  It’s a constant. And that’s what, really, Star Wars is about and what I think George wanted people to know.  That to be a good person and to really feel better about your life and experience life fully you have to let go of everything you fear to lose. Because then you can’t be controlled.  [….]  These are the core things of Star Wars.”  –Dave Filoni, Celebration Chicago 2019, Rebels Remembered Panel “Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed that is. [What must I do, Master Yoda?] Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”  –Yoda, Revenge of the Sith “[Anakin] turns into Darth Vader because he gets attached to things. He can’t let go of his mother; he can’t let go of his girlfriend. He can’t let go of things. It makes you greedy. And when you’re greedy, you are on the path to the dark side, because you fear you’re going to lose things, that you’re not going to have the power you need.” –George Lucas, Time Magazine These are also echoes of each other and the themes of how the dark side works in Star Wars, again showing us that the Jedi are correct in their understanding of how the Force works. And this is also what the Jedi teach:  That you must face your inner darkness (your fears, your hate, your guilt, your anger) because it comes from within and it’s a lifelong thing.  It starts with them designing their tests for younglings to move forward in their training by going to Ilum, where they will face the things they fear, the things they must overcome, to not become trapped in their mind.

It goes hand in hand with the Jedi’s bigger philosophy of understanding yourself and controlling yourself, that these things aren’t bad, but you need to get a grip on yourself (especially when you have these tremendous psychic powers and connections and can be influenced by outside emotions that you don’t even realize aren’t your own, as happens more than once in canon). Which is why one of the earliest lessons we see baby Jedi being taught is about meditation and understanding yourself, looking within to know who you are:

One more example: “All of my movies are about one thing.  Which is the fact that the only prison you’re in is the prison of your mind.  And if you decide to open the door and get out, you can.  There’s nothing stopping you.“ –George Lucas (American Voices, 2015) “You-you said we would be trapped.” “Not by the cave you were, but by your mind. Lessons, you have learned. Find courage, you did– Hope, patience Trust, confidence, and selflessness.”  –Jedi younglings + Yoda on Ilum, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, “The Gathering” The Jedi teach that this is what they must guard against, must discipline themselves against: “Qui-Gon whispered, ‘The dark side?’ He knew it was a thing all beings carried within them, a part of himself he would learn to guard against—the crèche masters had taught him all that.“  –Master & Apprentice, Claudia Gray “[The] only way to overcome the dark side is through discipline.”  –George Lucas What do the Jedi mean, when they say „Trust in the Force“, and „May the Force be with you“? They’re blessings, basically!  “Trust in the Force” is that the Jedi believe the Force will guide them, that if you can quiet your mind enough to hear its whispers, it will guide them into the moment and direction they’re meant to be in.  Many times, they cannot possibly know the Force’s plans, so they kind of just have to shrug and go, “Well, we’re limited mortal beings who cannot possibly have an omniscient point of view like the mystical energy field that we can tap into a small fraction, so if you don’t know which direction to go, all you can do is trust the Force to guide you.” And “May the Force be with you” is the similar, that they’re saying “good luck” and that they hope the person has good fortune in whatever they’re going to go do. Are they always just talking about the Light and totally disregard the Dark? I would say they’re definitely not disregarding it, because the dark is part of everyone, it’s a lifelong challenge to overcome it, it’s not a one-and-done thing, but that doesn’t mean they embrace it.  Nor does it mean that temporary, momentary emotions are the same thing as embracing the dark side–we see Jedi having darker emotions all the time and nobody’s like OH SHIT I HAD A NEGATIVE FEELING, I’M A BAD JEDI.  No, they just don’t let it control them and don’t act based on those feelings. For example:

Negative emotions!  Worry, anger, sorrow!  All from “perfect” Jedi characters!  Characters who are Jedi Masters and who believe incredibly strongly in Jedi principles and teachings! And not once do any of them say, oh, shit, no, I’m not allowed to feel that–instead they express their feelings, but do not let those feelings control them. They do not embrace the darker emotions, but instead face them and then let them go. What would be the fundamental difference between how a Sith like Sidious, a sort of grey Jedi, like Ahsoka, and someone who tries to be the perfect ideal of a Jedi, like Obi-Wan, use and see the Force? It’s all about how you approach it, basically.  The dark side is not sustainable, the dark side corrupts, it cannot be balanced with the light, Matt Martin of the LFL story group explained that that’s one of the things George Lucas was very clear on and thus why “Gray Jedi” can’t really be a thing!  If someone tries to embrace the dark along side the light, eventually they will fall into the dark.  (Mystical, immortal creatures don’t count.) But momentary anger and upset and fear and selfish impulses are normal, so the goal Jedi strive towards isn’t the eradication of these things, but the honing of the skill to let go of them.  (As “letting go” is a theme that’s rewarded in the word of god commentary and in the narrative, such as Anakin letting go of his hate and rage and doing something selfless is what allows him to become a Force Ghost, the only way to achieve that is through selflessness, the dark side cannot do it.) Ahsoka, for all that she isn’t a Jedi later on, who probably allows herself more darker impulses before she lets go of them, because she doesn’t have the same weight of granted authority over others placed on her, is still very much a light side user, she’s not gray at all!  Same for Qui-Gon, while he’s something of a maverick, he very much adheres to the light side of the Force. As for Sidious and other dark siders, the Force is the Force is the Force, it’s all about how you use it.  While there’s a certain element of how this can manifest in external ways (ie, certain places are stronger in the dark or the light) that press down on the person from the outside, in using the dark side or the light side, it’s about how you approach it.  Do you do so with selfless intent?  Then you’re on the light side.  Do you do so with selfish intent?  Intending to hurt people, embracing the pain and suffering you can psychically or internally feel?  Then you’re on the dark side. It’s about how you choose to act on the things inside you, what you choose to hold onto and what you choose to work towards letting go. "Knowing that the film was made for a young audience, I was trying to say, in a simple way, that there is a God and that there is both a good side and a bad side.  You have a choice between them, but the world works better if you’re on the good side.” –George Lucas The light is about how your feelings should be cherished, but you cannot let them rule over you, because you’ll hurt people.  Like Ezra getting so afraid when the Grand Inquisitor threatened Kanan, that he caused the fyrnocks around him to attack and could have really hurt someone.  Like Padawan Dooku cannot tell his own feelings from what he thinks is an external source of the dark side in Dooku: Jedi Lost.  Like Anakin gets so angry in a training session that he literally brings the training room’s ceiling down on them before Yoda saves them, because he couldn’t control himself in Choose Your Destiny: An Obi-Wan & Anakin Adventure.  Like Obi-Wan says in The Clone Wars, it’s not like (romantic) feelings aren’t allowed, they’re natural.  But he senses a deep well of rage in Anakin and he needs to face that and deal with it. The Jedi are about, “Get your shit together because, when you have level 100 psychic abilities, you can hurt people, so you have to get a grip on that.  Because the dark side lies, it twists things, it lingers in your head and poisons your thoughts, it’s not a reliable narrator.”

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2018 - Pt. II

Second part of the scrapbook for 2018. A reminder, for myself and others-

Italicized titles - enjoyed quite a bit | bold titles - love | titles with an asterisk* - all time favorites | (bracketed titles) - re-watches/re-reads | strikethough - dislike

Goals are: read forty-five new books this year (34 so far!), finish six video games (2 so far!), write either 30 fics or 70k total, finish the damn Sabriel AU (not so much), and write something original.

MOVIES

June

Solo

Professor Marston and the Wonder Women

(Coco)

(The Lost Boys)

(Road to El Dorado)

(Avatar)

The Philadelphia Story

Singin’ In The Rain

Incredibles 2

Funny Girl

High Society

Blade Runner 2049

Moonlight

Ocean’s 8

July

Ant Man and the Wasp

Lego Batman Movie

Good Morning Vietnam

Mary and the Witch’s Flower

(Coraline)

August

(Hercules)

(Wonder Woman)

(Coraline)

Flavors of Youth

September

(Song of the Sea)

The Losers

The Greatest Showman

October

(Jurassic Park)

(LOTR: The Fellowship of the Ring)

November

(V For Vendetta)\

(Serenity)

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before

December

Wreck It Ralph 2

(Howl’s Moving Castle)

Ready Player One

Home Alone 2

BOOKS

June

The Stand | Stephen King

Think of England | K.J. Charles [Fin] 

Reincarnation Blues | Michael Poore [Fin]

Voyage of the Basilisk | Marie Brennan [Fin]

Wishful Drinking | Carrie Fisher [Fin]

(Captive Prince | C.S. Pacat) [Fin]

(Prince’s Gambit | C.S. Pacat) [Fin]

(King’s Rising | C.S. Pacat) [Fin]

The Fifth Season | N.K. Jesmin [Fin]

The Power | Naomi Alderman [Fin]

July

The Stand | Stephen King [Fin]

King of Attolia | Megan Whalen Turner [Fin]

Conspiracy of Kings | Megan Whalen Turner [Fin]

The Ocean at the End of the Lane | Neil Gaiman [Fin]

Postcards From the Edge | Carrie Fisher [Fin]

A Closed and Common Orbit | Becky Chambers [Fin]

The Wicked + The Divine, Vol. 1 | Kieron Gillen [Fin]

The Wicked + The Divine, Vol. 2 | Kieron Gillen [Fin]

The Wicked + The Divine, Vol. 3 | Kieron Gillen [Fin]

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street | Natasha Pulley [Fin]

Half Bad | Sally Green [Fin]

Spinning Silver | Naomi Novak [Fin]***

(Uprooted)** [Fin]

The Bedlam Stacks | Natasha Pulley [Fin]

If We Were Villains | M.L. Rio [Fin]

Circe | Madelline Miller [Fin]

Lord of the Flies | William Golding [Fin]

The Goldfinch | Donna Tartt

The Obelisk Gate | N.K. Jesmin [Fin]

(His Majesty’s Dragon | Naomi Novak)

August

The Goldfinch | Donna Tartt [Fin]

(His Majesty’s Dragon | Naomi Novak) [Fin]

Pachinko | Min Jin Lee [Fin]

The Cruel Prince | Holly Black [Fin]

Thick As Thieves | Megan Whalen Turner [Fin]

The Language of Thorns | Leigh Bardugo [Fin]

Salt Magic, Skin Magic | Lee Welch [Fin]

Red Queen | Victoria Aveyard [Fin]

Record of a Spaceborn Few | Becky Chambers [Fin]

The Labyrinth of Drakes | Marie Brennan [Fin]

The Stone Sky | N.K. Jesmin

Luck In The Shadows | Lynn Flewelling

September

The Stone Sky | N.K. Jesmin [Fin]

Luck In The Shadows | Lynn Flewelling [Fin]

Stalking Darkness | Lynn Flewelling [Fin]

Within the Sanctuary of Wings | Marie Brennan [Fin]

Traitor’s Moon | Lynn Flewelling [Fin]

Shadow’s Return | Lynn Flewelling [Fin]

When Breath Becomes Air | Paul Kalanithi 

The White Road | Lynn Flewelling [Fin]

Casket of Souls | Lynn Flewelling [Fin]

Shards of Time | Lynn Flewelling [Fin]

The Name of the Wind | Patrick Rothfuss

October

The Name of the Wind | Patrick Rothfuss [Fin]

When Breath Becomes Air | Paul Kalanithi [Fin]

Little Fires Everywhere | Celeste Ng [Fin]

Titus Groan | Meryn Peake [DNF]

The Fellowship of the Ring | J.R.R. Tolkien

Howl’s Moving Castle | Diana Wyyne Jones

The Wise Man’s Fear | Patrick Rothfuss

November

The Fellowship of the Ring | J.R.R. Tolkien [Fin]

Howl’s Moving Castle | Diana Wyyne Jones

The Wise Man’s Fear | Patrick Rothfuss [Fin] 

December

Howl’s Moving Castle | Diana Wyyne Jones [Fin]

Ender’s Game | Orson Scott Card

The Poppy War | R.F. Kuang

PODCASTS

June

Wolf 359 (Eps 49-61) FIN

The Bright Sessions (56 - Finale) FIN

Penumbra Podcast (1-32)

Alice Isn’t Dead (5-6)

July

Penumbra Podcast (32)

August

Penumbra Podcast (ALL OF IT)

September

EOS 10 (Rewatch of s1 & 2, then 1-5 of s3)

Welcome to Night Vale (1-26)

October

EOS 10 (s3; eps 5-FINALE, bonus episode)

Welcome to Night Vale (26)

November

Welcome to Night Vale (26-29)

Wolf 359 RELISTEN (1-34)

Penumbra Podcast (Juno Steel and the Long Way Home pt 1-2)

TANIS 1

December

Wolf 359 RELISTEN (34-62)

TV SHOWS BY SEASON

June

Westworld s2

Legion s2

The Flash s4

Siren s1

Sense8 Series Finale*****

Black Mirror

Voltron s6

July 

The Bold Type s1

Anne With An E s1

Black Mirror

Big Mouth

August

Anne With An E s2

Legion s2

The Flash s4

Voltron s7

San Clarita Diet

Jeff Jeffries

September

American Horror Story: Apocalypse

Killing Eve

The Dragon Prince

Castlevania

October

American Horror Story: Apocalypse

Killing Eve

The Haunting of Hill House

The Good Place s2

Castlevania s2

November

The Good Place s2

Castlevania s2

American Horror Story: Apocalypse

Killing Eve

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

She Ra s1

December 

(Dead Like Me)

(Buffy the Vampire Slayer s4)

VIDEO GAMES

June

Witcher 3: Hearts of Stone DLC - 2 hrs

Song of the Deep

(Final Fantasy 15) - 30 hrs

July

Witcher 3: Hearts of Stone DLC - 2 hrs

SOMA [Fin]

(Kingdom Hearts Final Mix) - 34 hrs [Fin]

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days - Remix [Fin]

(Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix) - 40 hrs

August

(Kingdom Hearts 2 Final Mix) - 40 hrs [Fin]

Kingdom Hearts BBS, Terra - 20 hrs [Fin]

Kingdom Hearts BBS, Ven - 5 hrs

Prey, M Morgan - 30 hrs [Fin]

Prey, F Morgan - 6 hrs

September

(Final Fantasy 15) - 100 hrs

Witcher 3: Hearts of Stone DLC - 6 hrs

October

(Final Fantasy 15) - 100 hrs

Witcher 3: Hearts of Stone DLC - 6 hrs

Kingdom Hearts BBS, Ven - 12 hrs [Fin]

Kingdom Hearts BBS, Aqua - 5 hrs

November

Kingdom Hearts BBS, Aqua - 5 hrs

Pokemon Go?

December

Pokemon Moon (34 hrs, Ghost trial?)

Pokemon Go

(Kingdom Hearts: DDD - La Cite de Cloches, 5 hrs?)

Pokemon Let’s Go Eevee

Detroit: Become Human

DELIGHTFUL FIC

June

take the stage and deliver by mothwrites | Wolf 359 | Jacobi/Kepler | 3k | “Why me?” Jacobi asked.“You’re just his type,” Cutter said. “He’ll never see it coming.”

push to the limit by gortysproject | Wolf 359 | Jacobi/Kepler | 10k | five times kepler asks too much of jacobi, and one time jacobi can't pull through for him.

you be the motor, I'll be the gasoline by crookedfingers | Wolf 359 | Jacobi/Kepler | 5k | The hold music begins before Jacobi can finish his sentence. He blinks at the far wall and then glances at a clock. He’ll give it thirty seconds before he hangs up.Then the music stops jarringly mid-note and someone says, “Thank you so much for your patience. I understand that you’re seeking career opportunities with Goddard Futuristics.”

life 2.0 by goldtreesilvertree, mothwrites | Wolf 359 | Jacobi/Eiffel | 5k | "Alright... Daniel. Why are we having a movie night?" Minkowski never seemed the type to be into movie nights, and Hera probably doesn't get the point. He's beginning to get the feeling this will be the first movie night Eiffel 2.0 is going to remember, and he doesn't know if that's a good thing."Because," Daniel says, passing him a DVD so he has to get up again, "I really want to watch this, and my usual movie-buddy is dead. My backup movie-buddy is also dead. Any further questions?"

 'til your heart goes numb by LuckyDiceKirby | The Bright Sessions | Mark/Damien | 1k |  Instead of going out and getting drunk with Rose, Mark goes for a drive.

black sheep and mischief by grim_lupine | Thor | Thor & Loki | 3k | A bird alights on Thor’s shoulder and pecks his cheek twice, hard enough to make him wince.“What are you doing?” it warbles in his ear.“Wondering what my brother is doing up at this hour, little bird,” Thor replies. “Will you go ask him for me?”

(Lines on Palms by Fahye | Captive Prince | Damen/Laurent | 35k | "You're lying," Damen says. "You walked into Akielos and stole something from me.")**

On Tilt by 13th_blackbird | Solo | Han/Lando | 3k |  “You want to play?” Han says, nodding at the cards, before he can think better of it. “Or are you just showing off?”

tell me, get my shit together by paperclipbitch | Solo | Han/Lando | 5k | “I thought we were actively avoiding each other after the Trandosha Shitshow,” Han says.“We’re actively avoiding each other after the Iridonia Shitshow,” Lando corrects him, “the Trandosha Shitshow is That Which We Do Not Speak Of.”

Make Me Feel by Copper_Nails (Her_Madjesty) | Solo | Han/Lando | 2k | Winning the Falcon back is supposed to fill the empty space beneath his ribs. Han told himself this the whole way to Lando, tells it to himself again, now: it’s immensely satisfying to stare up at the ship’s sleek (battered) lines, so he can stop thinking about Crimson Dawn, thanks; can stop thinking about Beckett on the cliffside and Qi’ra, fading like a star in the morning.

Proving It by sailingonstardust | Solo | Han/Lando | 1.5k |  “You know,” Lando interrupts Han in the middle of a story about a seedy club and two twi’leks, “you can talk, and talk, and talk, but I don’t believe half the things you’re saying for even a second.”

one night on the falcon by topaz | Solo | Han/Lando | 3k |  If Han was the kind of guy who thought about things like this, the idea of fucking Lando Calrissian in the ship he'd used to own would have fallen somewhere on the Cool side of the prospective ideas spectrum, probably shading to the Not really likely to happen but still fun to think about group. 

A Cornstalk Fiddle by notbecauseofvictories | Devil Went Down to Georgia | Devil/Johnny | 9k+ |  Where Johnny goes, the Devil follows; where Johnny goes, the Devil is already there.

The Beginning After the End by notbecauseofvictories | Star Wars | Padme & Obi-Wan | 7k |  Padmé wakes to the back of Obi-Wan’s head, his hair mussed and his arms spread, outstretched over her knees as though to shield her from all that would come.

( Stargazers by Ruby_Wednesday | Captive Prince | Laurent/Damen | 90k | Five years after the Truce of Marlas, Damen and Laurent meet again in Delpha. They're forced to work together to soothe the growing tension between their countries. But Laurent does not forgive easily and Damen's not that sorry.)

( One the Other by Ruby_Wednesday | Captive Prince | Laurent/Damen | 200k |  Marlas goes badly for Damen. He goes back to Ios with Laurent as his reluctant ward.)

July

Any More Obvious by idiopathicsmile | Les Mis | Eponine/Cosette | 2k | “Look, folks,” says Musichetta, ten minutes from the end of cheer practice, “we have an audience. A spooky audience.”

speak in tongues by SpineAndSpite | Yuri On Ice | Yuri/Otabek | 7k | The last time Yuri went sightseeing with Otabek it had been the middle of winter, and he only had breath to contemplate the speed of the bike and the warmth of Otabek through his jacket. A crowded bus is a far cry, but he still has the same feeling of displacement--of not knowing what will happen next.

cherry pie by brawlite, ToAStranger | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 133k | Billy Hargrove lives for summer. Endless sunshine, heavily chlorinated pools, roaming ice cream trucks, and unencumbered freedom? There’s nothing better.**

(you hate me) cause i got what you need by brawlite, ToAStranger | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 6k | “You smell like coconuts,” Billy murmurs. “Like the ocean, too.”

Draconia by perceived_nobility | The Bright Sessions | Damien/Mark | 4k | "So I was driving. One ex wife and one ex husband later, stopping at the same fucking gas stations you and I stopped at."

untalked of and unseen by prouvairing | If We Were Villains | James/Oliver | 5k | Four times Oliver and James slept together, and one time they didn’t. Not exactly in that order.

Swipe right by mee4ever | HP | Draco/Harry | 2k | Or then one where Harry swipes right, and it turns out Draco does too.

The Truth by mee4ever | HP | Draco/Harry | 4k | Or the one where Harry is too bloody thick to see the truth, even when it's staring him in the face.

August

Victory Condition by astolat | Transformers | Megatron/Optimus | 39k | “Do you want me to tell you a story?” Megatron said mockingly. “You won’t like it, Prime. It’s not a very nice one.”

chases, escapes, true love, miracles by pepperfield | The Flash | Cisco/Harry | 55k | Just because the timeline has been restored, doesn't mean things are back to normal. Cisco's got 99 problems, and Harry Wells is approximately 38 of them.

Turn by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) | Star Wars | Reylo | 9k |  I would kill for you, he thinks at her, inside her, and this is the result of what they just did, the culmination of all of their history together. I would destroy the entire galaxy for this.

You should see the things we do by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) | SW | Reylo | 13k | “Maybe Ben will come home from his business trip and bend me over the nearest piece of furniture and fuck me hard and fast.”

Your Pretty Little Heart by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) | SW | Reylo | 64k |  “Good. Good little Omega.” He says the words against her gland, almost sweetly, and Rey—Rey is going to die. A wonderful, delicious death. Depraved, all of this. Filthy. Beautiful.

✓✓ Read by Boyue | South Park | Kyle/Stan | 65k | AKA how Stan Marsh met Kyle Broflovski through a dick pic mishap.

Pretend There Is No Wreck by LuckyDiceKirby | The Flash | Harrisco | 11k | Cisco and Harry figure out how to not kill each other, and also maybe how to talk about their feelings.

the cure by aquaexplicit | The Flash | Harrisco | 43k | “I guess I don’t really get what you need to fix? Harrison Wells is a hot, rich genius that pays you to make cool stuff with his daughter and is totally into you. If you guys boning is the biggest problem you have, I think this officially qualifies as your best relationship ever.”

and everything nice by perzimon | Voltron | Sheith | 5k | when he's beautiful and you love him but he can't make toast, the fic

hello, i love you, won't you tell me your name by perzimon | Voltron | Sheith | 12k | Keith's human enough to have wisdom teeth and unlucky enough to need them extracted. The team despairs.

Unexpected Developments by mific | SGA | McShep | 14k | Detective John Sheppard after Vegas (S5E19). His near-fatal wound's slowly healing and he's got his old job back, but then someone turns up unexpectedly who's a greater mystery than any of the cases on John's desk, and John has to make some hard choices.

teach me something new by tagteamme | Voltron | Sheith | 64k | Keith and Lance accidentally get into trouble. Shiro is the TA that has to Deal With It™.

to go, to follow, to kneel at your feet by arahir | Voltron | Sheith | 12k | They think it will be funny to leave him with a Galra in heat.

called out your name (but it was too late) by arahir | Voltron | Sheith, Griffin/Keith | 5k | Walk into the Garrison like—wait, what the fuck, is that Keith? Or: an old classmate watches Keith fall in love with someone else.

To Consummate is to Burn by the_glow_worm | Spinning Silver | Miryem/The Staryk | 6k | Miryem, the Staryk, and their wedding night.

The Time-Traveller's Portion by PutItBriefly | Pride & Prejudice | Elizabeth/Darcy | 7k | Darcy always knew she was to be his wife. He just didn't know she was poor.

September

songs about love by sarahyyy | YOI | Yuri/Otabek | 8k | In the embedded Instagram photo just under that subheading, a very grumpy Yuri is cuddling a very grumpy-looking cat. The caption reads: I found the cat version of me at the shelter today. #iknowisaidnomorecats #canyoublameme

Between the Lines by Dementordelta | Harry Potter | Snarry | 22k | Harry discovers a secret in his Potions text and a friend in the Half-Blood Prince.

More Than Gravity by JenTheSweetie | Marvel | Stony | 20k | “Aw, time travel, no.”On Christmas Eve, Tony came unstuck in time.

Of an Arcane Binding by Salvia_G | The Hobbit | Thilbo | 44k | An inexplicable magic ties Bilbo Baggins, hobbit of the Shire, to Thorin, dwarven prince of Erebor.

Back and Forth by kiyala | Yuri On Ice | Yuri/Otabek | 4k | Yuri convinces Otabek to get snapchat, just to send selfies of himself making faces at Victor and Yuuri. He gets more than he expected.

your tongue is sharp, but i miss the taste of it by thecopperkid | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 7k | Billy had one job -- don't take off the scarf. / Science is probably not Steve's strong suit, but he's really trying to make sense of why Billy's suddenly found him so appealing.

Things Already Said by balloonwhisk | The Bright Sessions | Damien/Mark | 4k | Damien gets a not entirely unwelcome early morning surprise.

Wreak Havoc by myfandomsareinfinite | EOS 10 | Ryan/Akmazian | 8k | Five Times Ryan Dalias Saved Akmazian's Life (Sort of) and One Time Akmazian Saved Ryan's (Sort Of).

you will see what it is to be overcome by magneticwave | Star Trek | Spirk | 10k | What kind of an idiot would try to explain magic to a Vulcan.

Bloody Ruin by esama | Castlevania | Alucard/Trevor | 37k | Vampire hunter and a vampire try to get along.

Minus 1 by Ever-so-reylo (Ever_So_Reylo) | Star Wars | Reylo | 6k | The text—'What’s up, daddy?'—was originally intended for Finn.

Paint it, red by CeruleanHeart | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 3k | " That's a pretty color..." Billy repeated and stepped closer, crowding Steve against the door "... for a pretty boy."

October

a road less traveled and a life less led by Azzandra | Dishonored | Gen, Outsider & Billie | 9k | She took him out of the Void, as promised.And then she kept him, she supposed.

Changing the Sound of Your Name by Agrotera | Dishonored | Outsider/Corvo | 14k |  It was the first thing she said to him when they stumbled out of the Void. You’re going to need a name. Emerging from the dark into what promised to be a lifetime of questions impossible to answer, and she broached the hardest one first.

if the end comes (don't let us hear it) by Kandakicksass | Dishonored | Outsider/Corvo | 5k |  "He comes in like a ghost in the fall of 1854."

Work of All Saints by antistar_e (kaikamahine) | Coco | Hector/Imelda/Ernesto | 210k | Imelda Rivera (b. 1899 - d. 1969), a story that includes but is not limited to: the finest music school this side of the Santo Domingo, three traveling musicians and the mess they made of love, the twice-cursed assassination of Venustiano Carranza, all the patron saints, and ninety-six ways a man can try to cross a bridge.**

Traveling Far by astolat | GOT | Jaime/Brienne | 24k |  Three weeks into their delightful slog across Westeros, during yet another charming day of shitting in the woods, eating half-raw squirrel, and trudging his feet bloody, the single most dour and uninteresting woman Jaime had ever met in all of Westeros stopped in the middle of a field, drew a deep breath, and said, “When I was seven, my aunt came to visit with her son. My father told me that as the daughter of the house, it was my duty to show hospitality to my guests and to be gracious to them. I wanted to make him proud. So for three weeks, I let my cousin follow me around and talk to me about spiders.”

insert baseball pun here by hoppnhorn | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 6k |  He’s considering taking up smoking again if it keeps him from trying to pick up Steve in the middle of the office. That’s really the last thing that he needs to do, start fucking around with someone he works with. He had sex with a coworker one time back in college when he worked at some shitty deli and that had devolved into his manhood being threatened with a meat slicer.

Regrowth by moogle62 | Uprooted | Agnieszka/The Dragon | 1k |  Agnieszka’s wood-green cottage stands waiting for her when she leads Sarkan carefully by the hand back home. They wind through the trees together and only she does not flinch at the stray touch of branches. The Wood has known her too completely, now, for her to mistake friend for foe.

I just met you (and this is crazy) by littlesystems | Captain America | Steve/Bucky | 41k | After Steve gets outed by a grainy cell phone picture, it takes the media less than 24 hours to discover Captain America’s secret relationship with James Barnes: classical musician, teen heartthrob, and son of a former president.The only problem? Steve has never met James Barnes in his life.

will you chew until it bleeds? by brawlite | Venom | Venom/Eddie | 7k |  Venom drags Eddie into a seedy club out of sheer curiosity. Trying to make the most of a night he didn't choose for himself, Eddie tries to get laid. Instead, he gets mugged. Afterwards, Venom doesn't let Eddie feel too disappointed about the missed opportunity. 

devil's backbone by starscry | Castlevania | Alucard/Trevor Belmont | 3k |  “Come, now. I’ve seen you stalking around, pent up like a bitch in heat. You’re quite high-strung; it’s beginning to wear on the others, me included,” the vampire drawls. His sharp eyes find Trevor’s, narrowing slyly. “You need a good fuck.”

Steam and Skin by LuciferianRising | Castlevania | Alucard/Trevor | 5k |  He wanted to spare Sypha the horror of having to share a bath with either of them, but Trevor never imagined choosing to share it with Alucard would lead to this. He's not exactly complaining, however.

November

when the devil comes to plea (he'll be running quicker than you've ever seen) by Hornswaggler | EOS 10 | Ryan/Akmazian | 3k | Akmazian runs with some pretty shady people. Akmazian is a pretty shady person. Now the Destroyer of Stars has developed something of a soft spot. Not all of his employees approve.

like it's supposed to by Hornswaggler | EOS 10 | Ryan/Akmazian | 2k | Ryan is consistently busy. Luckily for him, that means he's consistently distracted from things he'd really rather not think about.Unluckily for him, he's apparently not too busy for impromptu visits from one of the most wanted men in the system.

a lesson in cartography by novembersmith | Uprooted | Agnieska/Sarkan | 7k | “I will never cease to be amazed at your unequaled talent for creating chaos out of the simplest components. You were meant to be scrying and map-making. What were you doing?”

heart on a string by jilliancares | She-Ra | Adora/Catra | A good Force Captain would do a lot of things that Catra wouldn’t, like not pulling their punches when fighting Adora and not sneaking into Castle Bright Moon for anything less than evil purposes. Unfortunately, Catra wasn’t a very good Force Captain, despite striving all her life to become one.No, everything had changed when Adora wandered into the stupid Whispering Woods to find a moral compass. Little did she know she was dragging Catra’s heart on a string behind her.

December

Aia ke ola i Motunui by asteriae | Moana | Moana/Maui | 25k | The trouble with saving the world and returning home a hero with a demigod by your side, is it really scares off potential suitors.

lilies of the valley (cover me with kisses, make my garden grow) by diasterisms | Star Wars | Reylo | 8k | Every girl is entitled to the mistake. That one colossal fuck-up that permanently alters the terrain of who you are. You'll either learn from it or you won't, so might as well have the time of your life.

Astronomical Odds by xzombiexkittenx for Cinnamaldeide | Hannibal | Hannigram | 2.5k |  Picked up a hitchhiker last night. He said, “Thanks! how do you know I’m not a serial killer though?” I replied, “The chances of two serial killers being in the same car are astronomical.”

meet me in the woods tonight by brawlite, ToAStranger | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 86k | There’s something in the woods of Hawkins, Indiana.

Notes of Noy, Notes of Joy by pendrecarc | Spinning Silver | Miryem/The Staryk | 5k | "I might wander ten thousand years in the goblin depths and never find a way out again...."Miryem descends into the depths with no more than a dagger in her hand, a mirror about her neck, and a song in her heart to bring her husband out again.

if you don't like the company, let's just do it you and me by hoppnhorn, thecopperkid | Stranger Things | Billy/Steve | 9k |  “Stevie, Stevie, Stevie,” Billy tuts, and it’s nearly sickening, too fucking good, the way he looks like he can think of nothing better than digging his teeth into Steve Harrington. “Look at you. What’re we gonna do with you, huh? Tell me what you want, pretty boy.”

B-Sides by notbecauseofvictories | Devil Went Down to Georgia | The Devil/Johnny | 5k | All the tunes that didn't make the cut.

DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS

June

Steve Rogers | Elegy

Lucifer | Heaven's Door

in my veins | keith

[𝙺𝙻𝙰𝙽𝙲𝙴] WAVES

Voltron | Rise 

VOLTRON || H O M E || Season 6

Eleven || I'm this way because of you

July

Tenth Doctor | Reminiscence 

Lucifer | Heaven's Door

Marvel || Where are you now? (Faded)

Stranger Things | Heroes

What if THOR RAGNAROK had an anime opening?

August

the maze [multifandom]

Gilbert Blythe || The last, the only

K E I T H // "I won't quit" (6x07)

(Marvel) Avengers | Sacrifice

sᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴏʀ (ᴇᴘɪᴄ) // {Voltron AMV} ᴍᴀᴊᴏʀ sᴇᴀsᴏɴ 𝟼 sᴘᴏɪʟᴇʀs

Voltron | Rise (Season 6)

sᴏʟᴅɪᴇʀ // {Voltron AMV} ᴍᴀᴊᴏʀ sᴇᴀsᴏɴ 𝟼 sᴘᴏɪʟᴇʀs

Marvel | We Will Rock You

infinity war || bleeding heart

How Far We've Come - Voltron AMV (s1-s6)

Kylo Ren | Look What You Made Me Do

Way Down We Go｜Detroit: Become Human

Loki // Hustler

Born ready [VOLTRON]

You could be h̶a̶p̶p̶y̶ and I won't know

ʜᴏᴡ ғᴀʀ ᴡᴇ'ᴠᴇ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ

voltron s7 | home

VOLTRON || FIX YOU || Season 7

almost everything;

Infinity War || Flesh and Bone

Broken People || Avengers Infinity War

September

Marvel || Death is not the End

Blood//Water || Voltron Legendary Defender

The Wolf|Voltron| AMV

Harry Potter || Across this New Divide

► I Like Me Better

Game of Thrones | Flesh and Bone [6K]

October

The Byers || We can fix it, together

Legion || The World Killer

Infinity War || Violet Hill

Mike & Eleven || Out of the darkness

My Hero Academia「AMV」|| You Can Become A Hero

MARVEL || Stronger [The Score]

Peter + Roman | he hurt you

peter & roman | animals

November

N/A

December

Excelsior, Stan Lee

[Catradora] Ｔｈｅ Ｅｎｅｍｙ

Avengers: Endgame - (Logan Style)

2018 --Trailers Mashup

X Ambassadors - UNSTEADY | Official Dance Video #LoveisLove

2018 Movie Trailer Mashup

just a machine? [Detroit: Become Human] *HBD Pteryx*

who are you? | Connor | Detroit: Become Human

Detroit: Become Human || Paralyzed

DELIGHTFUL MUSIC

June

Emeli Sande - Daddy

EMPIRES Hello Lover

Stupid | Brendan Maclean

Chaos Chaos - Do You Feel It?

GHITA - Mindfvck

Olivia O'Brien - Fuck Feelings

gnash - i hate u, i love u ft. olivia o'brien

Paradise Valley | Honey and the Sting

Hidden Citizens - Hazy Shade of Winter

Attila the King | Nick Glennie-Smith

Lawless - Crossing Over (feat. IO Echo)

Is This the End | Joseph William Morgan

Man or a Monster | Sam Tinnesz(feat. Zayde Wølf)

EXPERIENCE - LUDOVICO EINAUDI

Nothing Matters When We’re Dancing, Sense8 Remix ft Zoe Wise 

Moonlight End Credits | Nicholas Britell

July

Ori and the Blind Forest Soundtrack

Little Sadie - Crooked Still

That Feeling When - Dagny

Asylums for the Feeling - Silent Poets

Starboy - The Weeknd

Lash Out - Alice Merton

Liztomania - Phoenix

Alice - Fields and Planes

Little Black Submarines - The Black Keys

Ahead By a Century - The Tragically Hip

Can I Sit Next To You - Spoon

Fantasy Reading Soundtrack

Watercast Soundtrack

HAEVN - The Sea

August

Achilles Come Down - Gang of Youths

Ocean Size - Jane’s Addiction

174 Hours - Jeff Russo

you should see me in a crown - billie eilish

the trapper and the furrier - regina spektor

the war - syml

lion - saint mesa

island - svrcina

who are you - svrcina

lovely - billie eilish

hold me - the sweeplings

natural - imagine dragons

mermaid - skott

sky full of song - florence + the machine

music to watch boys to - lana del rey

road river and rail - cocteau twins

hypnos - daemonia nymphe

in a landscape - john cage

mmm mmm mmm mmm - crash test dummies

queendom - aurora

ordinary world - duran duran

September

silent lucidity - queensryche

friends - marshmello

popular - nada surf

song of the sea lullaby - nolwenn leroy

flesh and bone - black math

the wolf - siames

broken people- rag n bone man & logic

nina cried power ep - hozier

kol nidrey - the yuval ron ensemble

amen - for king & country

stronger - the score

rise like a phoenix - conchita wurst

heroes - mans zelmerlow

cut to the feeling - carly rae jepsen

electrified - just loud

all my friends - the revivalists

the way you used to do - queens of the stone age

the morning after - maureen mcgovern

killer shangri-lah - psychotic beats

work it out - effee

sous les aquarelles - ingrid st-pierre

the other side - greatest showman ensemble

the greatest show -  greatest showman ensemble

never enough - loren allred

this is me -  greatest showman ensemble

October

SOS - Cher

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - Cher

Dancing Queen - Cher

Perfect Opening Line  - The Frames

Twin Fawn - Chelsea Wolfe

The Plains/Bitter Dancer - Fleet Foxes

Don’t Fall In Love - Still Corners

Acid Rain - Lorn

One Night Only - The Struts

Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt

Always Starting Over - Idina Menzel

Ghost of John - Kristin Lawrence

Fernando - Cher

The Ancestors - Dario Marianelli

November

Turn Back Time - Cher

It’s Quiet Uptown - Kelly Clarkson

Stranger Things - Facing West

Saturn - Sleeping At Last

The Origin of Love - Hedwig

December

DJ Earworm Mashup - United State of Pop 2018 (Turnin' It Up)

DECADE OF POP | The Megamix (2008-2018) // by Adamusic

MASHUP 2018 "THE GREATEST HOPE" - 2018 Year End Mashup

DANCE TO 2018 | YEAR END MEGAMIX (MASHUP) // by Adamusic

Vivaldi Recomposed by Max Richter

WRITTEN FIC

June

and i'm always tired, but never of you | The Bright Sessions | Sam/Damien/Mark | 10,405 words | Sam runs into Damien at the grocery store two years later. It changes everything.  

July

N/A

August

tides will bring me back to you | Kingdom Hearts | Axel/Roxas | 7,383 words | When Axel was sixteen, he did something stupid. He and a couple of his friends took his mom’s car up to the mountains, where they’d spent the better part of the day drinking bottles of stolen liquor and staggering along a heavily forested trail, laughing and bumping into trees as they went. As it was getting dark, they’d ended up near the end of it, where the heavy brush of the trees gave way to open sky and sea, a quiet little cove in the middle of nowhere.Then, one of his friends said, “I dare you to go in the water.”

September

Smallest Light | Stranger Things | Gen, El & Will | 5,165 words | In the summer of 1986, Will’s mom marries Jim Hopper. OR, Will and El learn how to be real people again together.

October

N/A

November

i don't want to rest in peace, we can haunt each other's dreams | EOS 10 | Ryan/Akmazian | 1,520 words |  In the dream, Ryan wakes up and Akmazian is there. 

December

Looking For Atlantis | SGA | Mcshep | 4,632 words | Hey Rodney, the postcard reads. Go see a movie.

keep your heart open (i'll keep mine open too) | Stranger Things | Harringrove | 7,915 words | “Did you even like me before you found out I was your soulmate?” Billy murmurs as he kisses a line down Steve’s throat.

FANMIXES/GRAPHICS

December

2018 Playlist

[sl-walker]

I tend to take a really holistic view of character understanding.  I think that’s why I jump between storylines the way I do; there’s something I’m supposed to be learning over here that I can’t learn over there.  Like, I’m writing three different main timelines, and all three of them are different, even starring the same characters largely.  And even though these are all different iterations of these characters, what I learn in one timeline gives me a depth of understanding and a platform in another.

Plus, there’s something really fascinating about changing a variable and seeing how differently it plays out.  Like-- GoT:A Maul never slaughtered the Orsis cadets, so his kill-count is exceptionally low.  In most of my timelines, I don’t acknowledge that bit in Darth Plagueis that had him in gladiatorial matches because I don’t know why Sidious would ever risk him being caught, though I have no trouble seeing Sidious risking him being killed.  But in GoT:A, that’s the catalyst for getting Maul out of Sidious’s control; still, I am reasonably sure he can count the number of people he’s ended the lives of on two hands and not use up all his fingers to do it.  And all of those situations, unlike Orsis, were kill or be killed, as well. (So was that, but they weren’t the threat to him.)  So, he’s ultimately-- softer.  A lot softer in some ways.  He’s not the same level of ruthlessly pragmatic.  He’s more capable of altruism, though he’s still not universally altruistic.  But of the three, he’s the only one who would be willing to sacrifice his life for an ideal instead of something more concrete, though even he is much more grounded in loyalty to people and places than in a philosophy.

But he would intrinsically be willing to lay down his life for Alderaan by his middle twenties, for example, and never think himself poorer for that, whereas WM!Maul, who got the full suite of canonical brainwashing, is only selectively willing to sacrifice for a very small number of people -- Obi-Wan, Vokara Che and Bail Organa, as of the end of SIOF, though as time goes on and he bonds with others, he adds to that list; Breha, his Blackbirds, likely eventually Ahsoka, and eventually Savage.  But even then, WM!Maul is incredibly selective about what he’s willing to die for and that never actually changes.

TF Maul exists somewhere between the two.  He did go through the massacre at Orsis, did kill a whole lot of people, but it was before Sidious got those final hooks into him -- his trials -- and so when he gets his wings, he’s not so blindly brainwashed that the terror of them being cut off fails to override his loyalty and sense of no way out, and so he bolts.  And honestly, he bolts like a teenager does; he doesn’t plan it, he just panics and runs and once he’s run, he realizes right quick that going back will probably mean the end of his life in some gruesome manner and so he kind of almost traps himself into leaving.  Out of options, he runs to the Jedi because they’re the only ones strong enough to protect him.

Out of the three, though, he was the only one who chose his own rescue.  And that changes a lot about how he interacts; yeah, he might have trapped himself into said rescue, but he did run to the Jedi on the ridiculously convoluted thinking that if they were weak because of compassion, then that weakness would save him, which is paradoxical, but he was a very hurt and terrorized sixteen year old, so there you go.  Any which way, he’s too messed up to even start to function outside of a structured environment, so between his own choice to be there and the detangling of his brainwashed thought patterns, he gets a lot of remedial socialization in a fairly short period of time and responds to it because he chose that.  And honestly, he’s still young enough there that even if he thinks he’s a monster, he hasn’t had his ability to feel lonely and isolated broken from him, so he’s a lot more receptive to gestures of friendship.  He’s a lot quicker to figure out that his prior isolation was by design and to then go forth and defy that design.  And, too, he’s a kid who’s never in his life had a genuine caretaker, and now he has a couple adults -- Qui-Gon and Vokara -- who are old enough and stable enough and with enough authority to keep him in line and show him the right way to deal with things.  Like, you’d think punishing the kid by making him babysit little kids is mean, but it was exactly what he needed; not only to ‘pay’ for body-dropping Quin and underage drinking, just to satisfy his own fucked up mental wiring, but to learn that he does have boundaries that he’s supposed to stay inside of, healthy sensible boundaries, and also Qui-Gon’s reasoning for sending him to the creche to work was perfect.

Like legit, @shadowmaat hit a gold mine of brilliance with Archix Clan and then Vos Encounter.  That punishment was brilliance.  It was designed to impart a lesson or several, in a gentle manner, and oddly I think that did more good for Maul than almost anything else could have.  The rules were clearly defined, the punishment was in line with them, he got to show just how naturally good -- if unrefined -- he is at being a teacher himself, and the sheer level of patience he’s capable of. He gets trusted with the safety of a whole bunch of children and even when he makes mistakes, their trust and innocence means so much to him that he has a fairly infinite fuse with them.  That’s how, not terribly long later, he can forgive Vos, even if not forget.  And really, it’s this that settles a lot of things in his head: He answers to Master Jinn, and if he gets in trouble, he’s supposed to think things through and ask for help if he needs it, because like, that’s exactly what role he was filling in here or there for the crechelings.  LOL!  So, by Gambit, he defers to his elders and calls for Obi-Wan and even though it’s all initially hard on him, emotionally, he copes and leans on his support network and does pretty amazingly well for what he started like.  And these are all the foundations that, in three or four years, will lead to him poking his big brother and rough housing and being the genuinely delightful young adult he often turns into when you put him in the right circumstances.

Whereas, in three or four years, WM!Maul was a hardened assassin and a mental disaster.  Everything he was came down to his blade and his skill and his ability to kill.  He managed to hang onto some things which were sign of how lonely he actually was -- I’ve gone over them before -- but his entire concept of self-worth was so tied to being Sidious’s apprentice, because this was the only way any of the abuse and manipulation and awfulness made sense.

I’ve always maintained that Maul was an understandable crazy before Lotho Minor.  He reacted to life exactly how you would expect a thinking, feeling, reasoning person to if you stuck them in those same circumstances.  He tried to make sense of his own abuse through any lens that kept an identity intact for him, including internalizing it as something he required.  He tried to find ways to avoid more of it, all while telling himself it was making him stronger.  He was slavishly, painfully loyal to Sidious.  He was insecure and desperate for any approval, because that was his only compensation in life; he also regularly, narratively, beat himself up pretty badly for wanting even that.  Sidious had that boy so twisted up that Maul could and did abuse himself when his Master wasn’t around to do it for him for the audacity to want approval.

That’s something I -- and I have a feeling a bunch of you -- get, too.  That internalized self-hatred, where the voice in your head tells you that wanting even basic acknowledgment of your accomplishments and even existence is wanting too much.  It being somehow a burden.  That you should be above needing such things and that if you’re not, that makes you bad, that makes you a failure.

GoT:A Maul has some of that; even after years of having a wonderful family and a beautiful world, when something hurts him enough, he has to refight that war all over again, between the part of him that’s prone to self-abuse and the part of him that knows better.  And he’s the one who got out earliest, though one can make a solid argument that his time in prison shattered him further.  Taking Flight Maul has internalized the hell out of it, enough that when Qui-Gon is holding up a mirror and asking him if he would judge Issa the same as he does himself, in the same circumstances, everything in him is fighting that because she’s good and he’s not and has never been.

Both of them, though, struggle so hard because they’re still capable of fighting their conditioning in a more overt way; they’re more capable of realizing it’s even there and then fighting it.  It’s hard, and there are a lot of psychological meltdowns involved; there’s a lot of time and work that goes into it.

WM!Maul, though, actually doesn’t.  He’s the one who survived Theed and was canon right up to immediately after that battle, and even ten years later, he’s only starting to grasp boundaries.  He’s only starting to figure out who he is and what his purpose is.  And man, he’s exhausted.  The other two both had periods where you could feel how achingly tired they were while writing them, where they were shaking off the brutality they’d survived.  WM!Maul is the same way, in terms of being just-- worn out, but you can’t call ten years of stagnation rest.  Because it wasn’t.  The closest he comes is in And in between the moon and you, and that’s mostly because he has a support network and quiet and he doesn’t have to hide his relationship.  Even then, he doesn’t get enough time there.  Of the three, he’s the one still due a reckoning in that regard and eventually it does come; of the three, too, he’s the one with the deepest scars and the least number of strategies to cope with them.  The one who still suffers serious PTSD blackouts and occasionally panic-attacks, the one who struggles so hard with words and expressing himself.  He’s tough, make no doubts about that, but he’s been walking wounded for a long time and unfortunately, it takes more than a loving Jedi and a best friend (and eventually eleven -- then twelve -- brothers) to do something about that.

I suppose all this rambling has a point.  LOL!  I’m not sure why I’m all up in GoT:A right now, except that it helps me learn something about the other two that I need to know.  Some of it, in GoT:A, is figuring out who Breha is; she isn’t a main in WM, so learning about her means understanding her in a context where she is.  Some of it, though, is also figuring out more of Maul and Bail, too; what it is in them that responds to one another the way they do, because even if they’re lovers in one timeline and best friends in the other, they’re still dear to each other regardless of how it manifests, and how important that is can’t be stated enough.  That friendship is life-changing for both of them.

Anyway.  My rambling.  I unabashedly love questions and deep thoughts on anything I do, so feel free.  Please.  (I might beg, even.)